.. أكرهك..

.. أكرهك..

في عيد الحب.. يجب أن أكتب شيئا..
يجب أن أكتب لأتذكر أنّي ما زلت حية..
في عيد الحب أحاول أن أحلل دموعي..
أن أشرّح مشاعري..
فلا أجد سوى شعور..

أكرهك..
أكرهك في عيد الحب، كما كرهتك في عيد الاستقلال..
كما كرهتك و سوف أكرهك في كل الأعياد السابقة والقادمة..
و في كل ذكرى..
في كل بداية حرب.. و كذبة اتفاق..
أكرهك..
أكره سمائك و شطك و بحرك..
أكرهك.. أكره حدودك و جبالك و السهل..
أكره علمك و الخارطة..
و أكثر من أي شيء أكره نشيدك..
و أكرهه عندما يقول لبنان يا قطعة سما..
أكره زملائي في الجنسية..
أكرهك..
أكره بياناتك..و حروبك..
أكره دموعي و أنا أبكيك..
أكره آلام فقرائك.. و اندفاع أغنيائك..
أكره ماضيك و المستقبل..
أكره أحزان شعبك..
أكرهك..
أكرهك و أعلم..
أعلم انّي غدًا ، و أنا أبني لي بيتًا في شوارع مدينة غريبة..
سوف أفتقدك..
سوف أحبك.. بل أعشقك..
سوف أغنيك و أبكيك..
حتى أنني سوف أحمل علمك..
و أنشد نشيدك..
فأكره نفسي..


14 شباط 2007 أو 2008 أو 2020...

I had a dream yesterday..

I had a dream yesterday..
A dream about a train, a rail, and me..
In my dream, I was outside a circle; the circle was the rail,
The train was on his rail, the circular rail,
The train was turning on his rail; it was turning in a circle …
In my dream there were people on that train, people turning on that rail, that circular rail..
People going no where, people turning on their circular rail…
The circle was big, so big that people knew not that it was a circle, they thought they were going somewhere, but those people were going no where...

I had a dream about a train, a rail, people inside the train, and me…
In my dream, I wanted to tell the people of the train, the people who didn’t know they were going nowhere, that in fact they were going nowhere..
I tried… I shouted... I cried…
But people on the train heard nothing, knew nothing…
In my dream, people of the train that was going nowhere saw me…
They saw me shouting, they thought I wanted to join them, to be a passenger on that train that was going nowhere..
Some pitied me, some tried to help me to go on, and some laughed about me, tried to tease me…all of them thought I was shouting for help…
In my dream there were other people outside the train… outside the circle.. People who knew that the train was going nowhere, people who were shouting too to the people inside the train..
But those people were so far away, on the other side of the circle, the big circle…

I had a dream about a train, a rail, people inside the train, people outside the train, and me…
In my dream I tried to go to the other people outside the train, the people of the other side of the big circle…so I began running around the circle, but those people were very far and they were running in the same direction around the circle…
Those people were either running away from me, or running to me too, knowing not that we were running in the same direction...

I had a dream about a train, a rail, people inside the train, people outside the train, and me…
In my dream, nothing changed;
The train was turning on his trail,
People on that train were going nowhere,
I was shouting and turning around the train, trying to find the other people…
The other people outside were doing the same…
In my dream, everything was turning, going nowhere…